If you’re going to imagine being a Transformer, you just imagine it. It’s hard to think of what they were doing with this idea, possibly because this idea just replaced your head with a tin-plated idiot. The Headmasters were people who could turn into robot heads. The Headmasters are the dumbest idea Hasbro ever had, and they once designed a microscope that could transform into a boring teacher for a kids’ cartoon show. You died in one hit, you could die in the first ten seconds from a swooping enemy, and if you made it to the last level, the game accepted your dedication to pointlessly wasting your time by sticking you in an infinitely looping maze. Playing this game was a mistake so terrible even the game tried to prevent you from making it. This is an entire game programmed by annoyed parents pretending to care about what their kids like. They just float there, saying, “See, some of your stupid Transformer stuff.” They missed the point so hard they misspelled the game’s name as “Comvoy.” Never has one letter said so much: “We can’t even be bothered to fix errors on the label, so just imagine what the code’s like.” Most of the bosses are just floating Decepticon symbols. That should be the name of a game that wins the Nobel Prize for Video Games. With a Japanese launch title of “Fight! Super Robot Life-Form Transformers: Mystery of Convoy,” it may be the greatest waste of a game title in recorded history.
Transformers: Mystery of Convoywasn’t just a waste of the name Transformers.
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